Ascribing Gender to Others Causes Real Harm

Gender is important, gender is complicated, and gender is personal.🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✨

This is true not only for trans and nonbinary folks but also for cisgender people…including my spouse and me.

I find that in personal and professional settings, many people often “forget” the complexity of gender identity and expression when they ascribe gender to others based on visual appearance. This happens to me all the time.

My spouse and I are women with different gender identities and expressions. C identifies as gender nonconforming and I identify as femme (a form of queer femininity outside heteronormativity). C and I both use she/her pronouns.

💍We appreciate that many other couples embrace the term “wife,” but when others use this word to describe us, it feels uncomfortable. We are both big fans of the more gender inclusive term “spouse.”

The next time you use terms that ascribe gender to others, I invite you to consider that you may be creating a feeling of dissonance for them that decreases their sense of belonging.

🤔 Do you find yourself making assumptions about others’ gender or sexuality based on visual appearance? How are you embracing more inclusive practices?