The LARA Method for Tense Talks

I've spent my career facilitating difficult dialogues, but I've learned that when things heat up, conversations that you've carefully planned can go sideways quickly. That's why it helps to have go-to tools in your back pocket. 🛠

One of my favorite tools is LARA, a bridging method used to communicate across difference, build trust, and engage in conflict with compassion. LARA stands for Listen, Affirm, Respond, Add:

👂 LISTEN: Actively listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. To do this, listen for the feelings and needs behind their words, not just what they are actually saying. Withhold judgement as you listen. Pay attention to body language, both yours and the speaker's. Face the person directly, maintain appropriate eye contact, and nod in approval when you agree.

👍 AFFIRM: Don't skip this step! It's crucial to cultivating a shared sense of humanity before exploring different and potentially conflicting perspectives. Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Learning to affirm those with whom we disagree takes practice. I find that the most effective affirmations are authentic and come from the heart.

🗣 RESPOND: This step is where we are actively engaging in conversation across difference. Directly and honestly address the concern that was voiced using "I" statements. Speak your truth while recognizing that your truth is not "the" truth. Expressions like, "From my perspective..." are helpful here.

➕ ADD: Now that you've shared your opinions and feelings, you can add new information or new perspectives. Remember, this is a dialogue (win/win) not a debate (win/lose)! This stage allows everyone involved to look for shared meaning and build connections across difference.

🚗 I recommend practicing these techniques in low-stakes conversations or role-plays to build your communication skills and confidence. Take LARA out for a "test drive" in the next week and let me know how it works for you.

Image description: A photograph of the word “confict” in wooden letters. Image credit: https://www.lewiscollege.co.uk/2022/12/navigating-conflict-in-the-office/