Niceness vs. Kindness

Is your investment in being nice making others feel invisible or unsafe?

Niceness may appear caring but it's actually about comfort, control, and convenience. Nice people avoid conflict to protect comfort. Because niceness tends to be associated with people pleasing and maintaining the status quo, it can be a form of silencing that stands in the way of genuine connection, healing and transformation.

Kindness is a courageous practice. It's rooted in what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. called "positive peace"—not just the absence of tension, but the presence of justice. Kindness cares enough to lean into discomfort when it serves a greater good.

Kindness is motivated by genuine caring and the desire to understand. For example, the Buddhist concept of metta, or loving-kindness, isn’t just about wishing others well but actually practicing loving-kindness and compassion in our everyday lives. As an anti-oppressive practice, kindness is most effective when aligned with systemic solutions that center the needs of equity-deserving communities.

What kindness is NOT:
📍 Civility that silences truth
📍 "All perspectives are equally valid"
📍 Staying quiet while harm continues
📍 Expecting something in return

What kindness IS:
✅ Listening without judgment, even when it's hard
✅ Getting curious about disagreement instead of defensive
✅ Having transparent, courageous conversations
✅ Taking action that matches your values

Niceness asks: "How do I avoid conflict?" Kindness asks: "How do I create genuine connection?"

Ready to help your team distinguish between "keeping the peace" and building real connection? DM me and let's talk about how courageous conversations can operationalize kindness in your organization.